I was on a plane for 5 hours yesterday… my butt still hurts lol!
That might have been more than you wanted to know lol my apologies … well sorta any how (raspberry and a wink)
The whirlwind of life seems to take me to places I have never been before not ever expected that I would go. I am upfront and honest person, and I find that most people are offended at that. I get confused when a person says one thing and does the opposite… and I am more intrigued and confused when they say one thing and do something that is completely not even close to the same ball game as the original statement… if that makes sense then you are following my thinking pattern, and I am smiling hoping that you are! lol
I am a clarifyer. If I do not understand, I ask questions. Some say too many, and that is okay I just don’t ask them after a while … not because I am not curious anymore, rather because it seems that my questions cause them some type of discomfort. I do not wish hurt or harm on anyone. I get angry, and I can cry but I do not use that as some kind of battering ram for change in a society that does not respect personal safety both physically and emotionally. I do not lash out at people most of the time. Not because the urge isn’t there, but rather because I am more inclined to care for a person and try and listen and understand their perspective and work with the situation in that way. I am learning to keep things in perspective, and at this time I really think that every problem has a solution but not every solution works the same for every individual. I am intense and idealistic, and I love that! I am gonna be me and if someone does not like it they do not have to stick around. I can love them near or far, pray for them here or there… and what they do does not dictate my type of response. If I want to be kind, I will be. If I need to be direct I will be. and if they take offense and do not want to talk to me about it, I have to let it go because I cannot work on stuff if people will not help me see it in the first place.
Wow, that was a lot of stuff… why am I telling you any of this?
Yesterday, while I was in the plane, it so happened that I had put my laptop and other things in my carry on. As we boarded the airline peeps asked if people would be willing to check their carry ons as there was not room enough on the plane for all of them. Considering the fact that it was gonna be a couple of hours, I volunteered mine for check in. The flight was only supposed to be a couple hours and I wanted to rest my eyes anyhow. Just before the plane took off, I got a message on my phone as to how horrible someone thought I was and that my questions about life and people’s reactions to things were completely inappropriate and condescending. She also said that I was cold, unfeeling, and less than sensitive. I was taken a back a bit because that is the opposite of how I really genuinely try to be. I turned my phone off and the plane took flight. Apparently we had some 200+ mph head winds and the pilot and crew were kind and calm. It took twice the time and that is how the 5 hours came about. As I sat there, being the lucky person in the middle of a three seat section, I reflected on the situation at hand. I felt her words, and let them sink in a bit … just enough to touch me and really allow me to try and see it from her view and honestly consider if what she said was true and if it were what I could do to be a better friend, and person in general. I cried, tears ran down my cheeks as I did this soul searching. In a way, as I look back at yesterday, I thank God for that. Perhaps it was some kind of cosmic “time-out” and I had extra time to consider as much of the situation 3 dimensionally rather than just from where I was coming from. My conclusion was this. She is a loving, meticulous, vastly talented woman. I respect her current circumstance and understand that she is really struggling right now. I admire her tenacity and I think she must trust me in some way to tell me some things that she was angry and hurt about. I am proud of her, and honored that she had the balls to do that. Inasmuch as that is true, I do not agree with what she said. I care about people, and I really care for her. I do not understand a lot about emotions, and I do not know what way she would like me to respond to things… I ask question. It is a bothersome task, but there is a disconnect inside me that most people do not appear to have. Perhaps that is where I need to focus things – not exactly positive as to how… but time is the Master teacher, and while I have it I will keep trying. I think that part of me was slightly wounded by the comments made as well. I cannot deny that either. It is strange to me to strike out at people especially before you have as much information as you can gather. As this is a common occurrence in our society, I do feel a bit alien in it. That does not mean I will submit and be that way. It is not in my nature nor built in my character to do that. I am NOT saying I am better than anyone for certainly I am not! I have many things that I am working on and will keep caring and doing what I can. I hope she and I can talk about it and work through these things. She is dear to me, and I do value her quite highly.
– Olivia Bourgeois