“If the Lord wants you to do anything as a result of what happened I’m sure He will gently let you know–but not through troubling memories. That doesn’t sound like God. To me…”
I wanted to address this with you right now if I may. I have heard words like this said many many times to people who suffer with PTSD whether it was inflicted by those intent upon doing sever damage or not. I can appreciate that it is something that is said out of sympathy and kindness. Often though, it is taken more as invalidation and the person (me in this case) might be left feeling more isolated and unsure of themselves and the world around them.
I believe that we as human beings can be very quick to put things in a category with a name and then never let that thing move, change, or evolve. It is a difficult thing, change, especially when it seems to be painful. I am not fond of the pains that come with being awakened to the harsh realities of the fallen world around us; at least not all the time. Still I have to consider that if I am to grow in my character I have to allow for change in the way that I perceive the world around me and ESPECIALLY about how I see and feel about Deity!
Luke 1:37 says that with God nothing shall be impossible. What does that mean? Is it saying that there are things that even God cannot do? Is it saying that there are times when God cannot be? OR is it saying God can do all things because for Him NOTHING is impossible?
In Romans 11 these questions are asked:
“Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom andi knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments,and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.”
This statement is packed with questions that seem to pose a certain idea to yours truly. Who is God that I can label Him as one thing and He will obey me? Who knows the Lord’s mind better than the Lord that they SHOULD give HIM counsel? Ha! how many times have I prayed as such? Do you recall the ever popular prayer of bargaining? “Dear God if only you would do XYZ I would do LMNOP…” As if God needed us to make this deal because His whole plan hinged on us. WOW!! God knows all things. God created all things. According to some interpretations of the Bible God is everywhere all the time. How could He gain counsel from me? I am NONE of those things.
I cannot agree that God would not help me out in some way through the troubling memories. In each one I learn more about why I am the way I am. How God loves me the way that I am because He understands all that it took to make me this way. I see His hands in the pieces that are shameful and make me shake. He is the one that is there in it all, the only one in fact that always has been. God has Not been a daunting task master intent upon my destruction but rather a loving entity giving me strength that I would have NO way of having on my own.
Putting God in a box about something because I do not like it or it does not seem God-like to me first of all does me NO good. It can create a sense of falseness and arrogance in my person. I might feel that I know better about God than another person, or I might offer comfort in a way that is inaccurate and more hurtful than the original wound. I have been told my entire life that I am evil. I have been told that I have awful hurtful intentions towards others. Many have told me that the mean things that I think happen to people because of the immense amount of evil that resides in me. Pay attention here, I am not trying to hurt you in any way, I am trying to however, make a point… You saying that my troubling memories serve no good purpose reinforces that belief in me.
Of course God would not work with me through those, I AM so very bad, malevolent, heinous, corrupt, unpleasant, destructive, hateful, malicious, nefarious, ugly, wicked, vicious, vile ETC…right?
God, to me, is a master craftsman. He can do all things, right? He can make the impossible, well, possible! If that is true, He can and dare I say He DOES work in and through each harsh and brutal memory that I have, whispering I value and respect you my child in and through each one. It is both heart warming, and repulsive to say the least. It is heart warming because I always wanted to be respected and valued. It has been repulsive because the ones from my past who claimed to value me most caused me more emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual damage – ON PURPOSE – than ones who just used me and past on by. Yet, even in both of those emotions, I find God there as well.
One can hardly say ‘with God nothing is impossible‘ and then in the next breath declare that He can’t do something. How can that be? Deciding not to do something is a far cry from not being able to do something. Don’t you agree?
Because of all that!!!! I am trying very diligently to NOT put God in a box. He can do all things. He is the truth of all things. He is the life of all things. With descriptions and praises like these, can God really be limited by my limited and finite understandings?
Can God created a Boulder that is too big for Him to carry?
I do not know the answer to this question but I am constantly intrigued by the ideas behind it. This questions challenges our beliefs about God. It speaks to the compulsive attitudes we compartmentalize about Him in our hearts and minds. It is fun and inquisitive on a sarcastic yet simple forthright way. What do we really know about God? There are a lot of assumptions and accusations even but what is it that we know?
I submit to you that God is more that simply mysterious. He is that He is. God is God and has been God forever in the past direction and will be forever in the future direction and ALL the spaces in between. Because He Was and IS and always Will Be – and not just WAS – the hope that I feel for life as I know it and how it can still be seems more possible than all the impossible labels and punctuations that we create for and in the name of God.