Yesterday I found out that a dear mate of mine had passed away. Here is something that you don’t know about me… I use the act of blowing soap bubbles as a sort of symbolic way to give things to God. So, last night a few hours after I found out about my friend, I went outside and blew bubbles as the snow was falling. It was so beautiful. To me very soothing, watching the bubbles dance in the light and hover and eventually fly away. It was so cold, but two of my best mates were out there with me, and that made it all the more meaningful to me. Just before we departed the snow, my mate Sas….. said a prayer. When situations like this occur, I am reminded of all the wonderful people that have been and are still in my life. God is good and my friend is with Him now. Though I will miss her, I am also very happy for her. Sweet dreams Maria!
This is a woman who was so patient and kind with me. Though she didn’t always believe me, she always believed IN me.
I wrote this letter, and took it with me to the clinic yesterday, for them to send to her.
This is what it said…
My Dear Maria,
I have been missing you lady! From what I know, you are not well enough to come to work AND I cannot even make an appointment for later right now. This is very concerning for me about you. I do not know your address or any personal information, and I know that is appropriate, so I HOPE that this letter will get to you.
I am going to go see ‘Mandy’ Something at the family practice portion of the clinic. She was the one I went to the last time I could not get in to see you. She was kind and helpful. I am glad that she is there – but she isn’t you.
I am so glad that you have been there for me, and my others who have very much appreciated you as well. We all make mistakes, and I am totally included here, and I want you to know that if I have done something that has hurt you in any way – please know that I am sorry. (Not saying you didn’t wanna come back to work because of me (smiley face) I just really respect you and want you to know that.) Since we are all prone to make mistakes, and I am not saying that you need to read this, I want you to know that I accept you for who you are! I forgive us both for mistakes that we may have made. I know that you do your best and I do as well. I hope that you can feel me here because you have been of infinite worth to me in the last few years that we have known each other.
I think that you and I are a ton alike. We are both very sick. We both cannot do all that we long to do. I am unable to move a great deal of the time, and even when I can it is very limited. I want so very badly to be a lot that I am not. But, I wanna tell you that you are a lot that so many are not. You love God with your whole heart! I have grown in my walk with the Lord because of our visits. Your encouragement and love has grown in me a garden of faith and compassion for others like us. I cannot show it as often as I would like, but YOU do mean a great deal to me.
Thank you for being attentive and listening to my complaints. Thank you for helping me as you have been able. Thank you for NEVER shaming me or guilting me in your office. That is very sacred to me.
Please do not feel obligated to do the Polychondritis thing for/with me. You got me started and I am thankful for that. If and when you feel better and can come back, I would love to return to your office. However, I am going to keep plugging along while I am able until your return – deal?
If you want, my information is included and you can contact me as you would wish.
Email : xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I know this isn’t your standard get well letter. Then again, I am not your standard patient – and friend.
With all my heart I pray for you. If you choose to not contact me that will be okay, I am very grateful for the time I did get to spend with you.
I pray that Jesus blesses you abundantly and that you have peace my dear Maria S…!
Not everything in this life makes sense.
The doctor ‘Mandy’ something was very kind, and a best friend of Maria, who was my doctor. Upon hearing the news, after I cried and stuffs… I pulled the letter out of my purse and asked if this Mandy lady would make sure that Maria’s daughter would get it. She smiled and said that she would.
So many things going on all the time … is that life? Are there no breaks then? Is there ever a moment of peace that is that? A whole moment of peace? Or is that more of an after life thought? Is that why people say Rest In Peace?
I am broken – hearted because Maria is gone. But I am also very happy for her as well. She is with God now right? It doesn’t get any better than that!
I don’t know if I have told you this, but if I have I am gonna tell you again okay?
I had an appointment with Maria this last Friday, so a week ago now. I saw her around noon thirty. She was not feeling well. She had not attended work M-Th that week. I walked into her office with a smile on my face and she had the best one she could muster on hers as well. She had wanted to attend the small funeral thingy I had on the 18th of Oct, but had been unable to do so. I brought her the full program. I also had, at the funeral, a basket of star shaped pillows that played the song ‘Twinkle twinkle little star’ that guests were requested to take (with a greeting card) and give to someone they loved and whom they knew needed to know that they were loved. So, I decided to give mine to Maria. I filled out the card and handed the card and the Yellow star pillow to her last Friday. She smiled at me. “God told me to make sure I came to work today,” she said, “When I got here and saw your name on my schedule I knew why.”
The visit was a good one, and she was helping me as she was able. I remember thinking how wonderful she was and how grateful I was that she listened to God and came to work, in spite of how awful she felt. I was so happy to see her. In my struggle to find answers, she was a kind person in a world of hurtful strangers. I am most honored to have shared the same space with her.
Yesterday when I found out that she had passed I immediately recognized God’s hand in all of that. Coincidence is man’s way of keeping God anonymous … I heard that somewhere and really agree. But, God isn’t anonymous…and neither are His works.
I appreciate, love, and am so grateful for Maria.
Sweet dreams Maria! God be with you till we meet again!