Right now I am looking at myself in the mirror. I see scars and pain… I wanna see something more and I refuse to leave this spot while condemning myself for any lack of perfection I think I have…
after all those scars, the wounds and bruises inflicted on me by others and myself, after the trials that I was not supposed to survive – I am still standing right here. I’ve been told that I was gonna die by healthcare people way too many times… But here I am. I don’t know where I am going, but I do know where I have been. I’ve been through chemo therapy after being diagnosed with leukemia late teens, the after math of being hit by lightning, In a freak of nature I was buried under 3 feet of cold dark earth, a stroke after a blow to the head when I was 13 and a second one ten years later, I have walked across red hot coals and my feet still work. I have been forced to do things I never wanted to do in the first place, and remained innocent, I’ve felt huge breaking in my heart – and as I place my hand over my heart I can feel the beating is still very strong. I cannot move like I could when I was young, but I can move. If surviving and enduring was the goal then I have fucking done it!
I have this scar on the right side of my face from a dog bite when I was younger. Even the placement of the scar is happy (see image below).
I have a tat and other marks of similar origin that hold some good memories of their own. I have had broken ribs, my left knee, fingers and toes, and torn ligaments. Still, none of these things have taken that spark out of my eyes. I can carry a tune with miraculous measure because I’m partially deaf, and my lungs struggle…
No one stole my happiness from me and I never gave it away either….
Though the world tried to turn me into a monster, I remain myself, Sabrina ‘blessed’ Malan !!!
I catch a slight grin from the image before me.
LOOK! In the mirror – d’âge moyen , yeux brillants , femme – she is smiling!
Now I breathe in deeply and share in the grin from my reflection.
I’m ready, I straighten my fucking victory crown and wink at her… I’m gonna walk out of here like a mother fucking boss!!!!!